Relationship Green Flags
It is in the human nature to often focus on the negatives of a thing more often than we focus on the positives or potential positives of a thing.
We talk about red flags in relationships almost every day and when we meet new people we begin to focus on those negatives or flaws that we term as “red flags”, instinctively expecting perfection of the person. Meanwhile, in most cases, these red flags we seem to abhor reside prominently in us, but we are often oblivious and lack self-awareness enough to discern this. Not a lot of people are conscious and healthy with insights into who they really are. But this is something we will discuss in another topic; today we will be looking at some green flags that we should look out for in new partners.
Firstly, what are Green Flags?
Green flags are general guidelines that help you assess how healthy your potential partner is. They let you know you’ve got a good thing going with whomever you are with. In today’s dating scene where authenticity is rare and a lot more people are damaged and have let themselves get overridden and blindsided by previous dating experiences, green flags are very important, if not more so than red flags.
I know for a fact that we all have different things that we would individually tag as green flags; however superficial and perhaps unrealistic some of them may be. But there are just some things that are very important that tells you the person you are with is most certainly a keeper.
Let’s take a look at these 10 flags I have put together
- It is you and them against the world, not you against them; I have come to realize a lot of people go into relationships these days with the mindset that they are in to compete with their partners. They scrutinize and pick up on everything, making the relationship a living hell and their partners start to resent them. Relationships should be both of you against the world not against each other. So, when you see a person who handles and sees being in a relationship with you as both of you complementing each other rather than competing against each other; know that you have struck gold!
- Spiritual, intellectual and life-purpose compatibility; This is often overlooked by most people. Choosing a partner who is compatible with you, your goals, intellect and spiritually, is one of the best decisions you can ever make in your life. This has to be the greenest of all the flags! Put a ring on the finger and a watch on that wrist immediately! (Lol)
- Communication; This is one of the most important skill anyone can have in life. Not just in relationships. Communication as I will always say; is the best way to transmit thoughts, ideas, opinions, facts and values. The place of quality communication plays a huge role in relationships. Finding a person who can talk about anything and everything and even when you may have opposing preceptive doesn’t descend into fitful bouts of arguments or malice keeping is a green flag not to be trifled with.
- No blame shifting or condescension; This is a hard-to-come by attribute in most people these days. People are quick to shift/place blames and react condescendingly to situations than they are to review and criticize themselves. A person who admits and owns up to their actions shows maturity and emotional intelligence.
- Teachablility; When you meet a potential partner and you can clearly see the teachableness in them. They understand the place of humility and know when to learn, un-learn and re-learn. “Being teachable is admitting you don’t know everything and allowing others to show or teach you. Humility demonstrates stronger character than ego and pride. Admitting you are learning doesn’t detract from who you are or your leadership authority, it demonstrates to others it’s safe to admit you don’t know something”. This is a very huge green flag in a person.
- Is self-dependent; A person that is self-dependent is a strong willed and determined person. A person who is confident, creative, resourceful and know what they want. Now who wouldn’t want that? But of course, self-dependent or sufficiency isn’t as easy as it sounds. As humans, it is easier to lean on others than to depend on one’s self, which makes finding emotionally independent individuals a hard task. If your partner possesses even a modicum of this attribute, and has a stable life outside of you while still choosing you as a priority when wanting to do stuff, you most definitely won the lottery.
- They are your biggest fan and also most constructive critic; A partner that is willing to support your goals, aspirations and dreams and on the other hand, can criticize when it is needed in a constructive and honest way. It shows they are invested in your growth and improvement. I know most people may not like the criticism part, but that tells a lot about you as a person and your unwillingness to grow.
- You are instinctively at your most natural around them; When you do not have to put up a façade whenever you are around them and act the same way you would if you were alone. You do not have to go extra lengths to impress them or become inauthentic. This is possible when you realize they notice the little things about you and appreciate you for who you are -without judgements or trying to conform you to their own prototypes- you instinctively relax and go on to be your true self.
- Being with them is easy and brings you peace; There is not buttressing to this point. Everyone wants peace of mind in life. Being with your partner should bring peace to you without strain. You will be willing to share every aspect of your life with them; either good or bad and giving yourself to them will come so easy.
- Empathy and perceptiveness; This is one I take very strictly into awareness. A healthy partner will show signs of empathy to not just your feelings but also to the feelings of others. They are kind to people regardless of socioeconomic standing -especially people in the service industry. The ability to empathize with others and being aware of other people’s feelings are not skills that many people have and it is one to be treasured!
Having said all this, you must take into cognizance that this is a two-way street. For you to receive the kind of Love that you want, you must also be the kind of Love someone craves. Remember; healthy you equals healthy love.
“Far too many people are looking for the right person, instead of trying to be the right person.” — Gloria Steinem