So, I had a conversation with an acquaintance recently, and he went on and on about how he didn’t want a relationship and didn’t need to be serious with any woman. For about 30 minutes he continued on his speech about how people were two-timing each other and being disingenuous in so called relationships.
In like manner, the social media has become filled with the same stance about not wanting relationships -both men and women-, going on and on about how being single is bliss.
And this got me thinking, “do all these people really want nothing to do with relationships? Or perhaps there is an underlying factor that I was missing?”
So, I observed and studied the comments people made under relationship posts on the internet and I realized something; all the “I don’t need a man”, “I don’t need a woman”, “I don’t need a relationship” were non-existent. There was a visible air of craving from all the comments that one could deduce that they craved what these couples on the internet have. It was evident that people still want relationships, in fact, they badly crave the intimacy and companionship that being in a relationship provides.
Which is why I decided to write about this today. During my findings, I realized a lot of people-men and women- want relationships but they seek real and healthy relationships with real people without worrying that they might get played in the process. So, when a person says they don’t want a relationship, it is because they don’t believe that there are real people anymore. They don’t believe there are people that they can trust who wouldn’t hurt them or take their feelings for granted.
The chances of getting this in today’s world has become so slim that men and women would rather say they do not want relationships rather than get their hopes up that they might meet a person who is different from the others they have encountered in the past.
But you know what the problem is with this? People have such negative perception of relationships so much so that they end up jeopardizing any opportunity to be in healthy relationships while denying and telling themselves they do not really want it. Those that try to convince themselves that they do not want relationships and who do not make the conscious effort needed to build one, may end up realizing this too late when they are probably 50 and their neighbors are having family gatherings and celebrating the joys of companionship meanwhile everything looks bleak and dried up on their own porches.
The truth is a lot of people are unwilling to put in the work that a relationship needs to make it work. They do not want be in a position where they have to take responsibilities for their actions to be accountable to someone else. They are unwilling to make sacrifices needed to thrive a budding relationship
Because of this, people are starting to have unrealistic ideas of relationships, based off of what they see on the internet.
Now, I am going to break this “I don’t want a relationship” ideology down to this, you see when people say they don’t want relationships, what they are really saying is “I want a relationship but I don’t want to act like I want one, so that it can happen”. Just like when you are downloading; say a movie, and you decide not to look at it or think about it hoping that if you don’t it won’t get cancelled and it would load faster. Ha-ha it is like trying to play reverse psychology on the universe. Lol
As a person, what you fail to understand is this; when you say you don’t want a relationship, you unconsciously chase people that are really good and compatible for you away because they believe that you do not need them, and on the other hand, you begin to attract people that just want to play around. Because they are thinking “hey, she/he doesn’t want a relationship, that’s good for me, let me just hit that and walk away. No strings”. Leading you to say; “all they want from me is my body or in the male instance: money” thereby developing a negative outlook towards relationships.
Going back to the relationship posts I studied, I also realized that people have been tailoring what an “ideal” relationship should be; to what they saw on the internet of seemingly happy people -the picture-perfect relationships.
News flash; perfect relationships DO NOT exist. I want people to understand that all relationships are bound to have shortcomings, because these are two imperfect people with different backgrounds, ideologies and philosophies, coming together to build something that may last a lifetime. It cannot be perfect. The pictures you see do not tell the story of what goes on behind the camera. So, when you see these internet relationships, do not use them as yardsticks for getting into a relationship. The only way a relationship can be actualized and go the extra mile without either partner quitting is for each partner to say, “look, I have my flaws, you have your flaws; we are going to get on each other’s nerves, but we are gonna make this work”
That said, except you are perhaps asexual or do not genuinely want a relationship, stop deluding yourself and embrace what you truly want and go after it with a positive spirit.