Am I Ready?
I have been dilemmatic lately, I am at a point where I want do a thing but I am unsure, I asked myself this question “am I ready? but, it only made me wonder further, do we ever really know when we are ready for a thing? For the next stage or chapter of our lives? A new job, a new relationship, marriage, child birth, publishing your book, starting your business, releasing your music… are we ever really ready?
The predominant thing we would do when we are grey and old is to reminisce about our past; the past of the future we are currently envisioning. It would be filled with regrets for the things we did and didn’t do, the steps we took, the opportunities we missed; if perhaps we could have done things better or more, or less or not at all. It would also be filled with satisfaction of the things that we did, the risks we took. Our experiences would age us through our joys and tragedies and we would realize that a lot of things we overthought didn’t even matter so much and hesitation can cost us so much.
I am positive that I am not the only one that feels this way when it is time to making decisions that can have life-changing effects. We all at some point feel this way, we feel as though we are not ready and I very well understand that. Change is not easy. It is easier to stay in a place we know; situations we understand and are comfortable with, than it is to begin a new chapter of unchartered territory and not knowing what the future of the decision holds.
For instance, my writing has always been my escape, it has always been the answer to my questions, the peace to my storms and the silencer of my demons. So, I had resolved this year – yes, I still do not believe in New Year resolutions – but yes, I had resolved to write more, explore every part of myself and the things I feel; to spread my arms as far as I could and embrace the unknown; to do things I thought I couldn’t, to take more risks, and share my works for others to see.
For starters, I released my Spoken word poetry at the start of the year. There were challenges on the way of course. I didn’t have a studio, no producer, no editor, nothing. At some point, I thought of giving up and waiting until I had enough resources to get it done like a proper music release. But I didn’t, I wanted to do it, so I picked up my phone – iPhone voice memo app is a life-saver – I did my recording, I edited it, struggled with background music, because I needed the ones that weren’t licensable – trying not to get sued.
I wasn’t sure I could do it, but I did it. It didn’t get as much reach as I wanted, but I did it. I wanted to do it, so I did. I satisfied the urge in me to do it, and it gave me the urge to do more of it and even to do it better – I would be doing more and even improved Spoken poetry going forward.
In the end, I knew it wasn’t the decision I feared, but rather the outcome of the decision. Would I be brave enough to face whatever challenges this new chapter brought? I had failed to realize that the new chapter is in fact an empty page that waited for me to flip it over, and I alone could decide what will be written on it.
So, maybe knowing if we are ready for a new chapter in our lives, isn’t going to be shown to us by some handwriting on the wall. Maybe all we can done is to listen to the voice deep inside of us; to study the chapter we are currently in at the moment. For us to go forward, we must first find where we are at. And also knowing that our failure or success would only be determined by trying, trying everyday we wake to the morning sun.
Just know that there is no right answer to this question – “am I ready?”. Life is a series of paths and choices and whichever one you choose would come with its challenges and we will never really be ready. We just have to jump in and find rhythm with the tide.
So, if your mind keeps nudging you forward, listen to it and make new memories every day. For when you’re frail, those would be the pages that you flip through until your book is closed and placed on the shelf of life.
My Spoken word EP is available on Apple music, Amazon, Spotify, Deezer, YouTube Music and other platforms. Click here to listen